i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
