i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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