another moral hangover. fuck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
