I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I die, sorry about rent.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize