Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
