Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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