come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
