Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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