I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got inside last night via doggy door
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
