I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize