How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
