my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
