You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
