he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
