Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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