Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
