I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think a kid would responsible me up
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
