This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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