the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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