I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
