And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
