you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
