How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
