...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
