Sry I called you an 8
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
