we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
