I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
