Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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