When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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