Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
