I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
