my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
