My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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