Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
