Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh god it's open bar.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
