Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
