i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
