Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
