i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
