I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
