I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
