I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got inside last night via doggy door
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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