i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
