what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
