Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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