I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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