I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
