apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
