blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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