I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
