Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
