you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
