If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
