If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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