I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
