my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
