Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
