Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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