I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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