we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize