We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
