i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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