you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
