Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i think i just lost a toe
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just puked most of my soul out..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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