I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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