we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
